• Henry Dearborn

Amazon Cancels NYC Deal on Fears Alexis Pereira May Move to LA

Amazon canceled its deal to move to NYC after hearing from various sources that Alexis Pereira is considering moving to LA.

"I just can't do it," said Jeff, "I'm not putting down roots just to watch Alexis fly out to fucking Silverlake and sit in with fucking Last Day of School every week at UCB Fucking Franklin."


Queens residents were thrilled at the prospect of having to deal with neither Amazon nor Alexis Pereira.

"If we lost both Alexis and Amazon I could finally afford to sleep for two very different reasons," said local Vulture late night journalist Anne Clark.

At press time, Alexis Pereira said he'd made no decision about moving.

"I'll probably ask my girlfriend about it in a few weeks. Idunno. I hear there's more jobs out there?"

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